Where Your Standards Are
They're already a part of your life.
One of the most common questions I get about settings standards is where to start. And only recently did I realize that everyone, including you, has actually already started. They just may not know it.
As I was preparing to write this piece, I reflected on some of my friends and family, and their standards (yes, these are all real examples):
a friend who always eats a cannabis edible before we go on a long hike
another friend who insists on choosing restaurants based on Yelp reviews rather than Google reviews, news articles, or word-of-mouth
a relative who takes his blood pressure every day upon waking up
another relative who mailed me a birthday card every year from my 20s through my 40s
a friend who has coffee at home every day except Fridays when she goes to the same coffee shop to order the same beverage
and finally, my longtime friend who finishes his side dishes before starting his entrée
As you can probably tell, these are an outcome of each person’s preferences, habits, routines, etc….all things that you and I also have. That’s what led me to realize that the easiest place to start with setting standards is to simply think about, and possibly write down, your standards based on such categories, and many more. Here we go.
Preferences
Maybe you go out for pizza or sushi once a month. Perhaps you only get a burger when it’s cooked to order. Do you like to work with music in the background? Maybe you organize the apps on your phone in a certain way, maybe you don’t organize them at all. If you drink alcohol, what kinds of beer or wine do you enjoy the most? Do you prefer vacations at the beach or in the mountains? Your responses to these are standards.
Habits
The good habits we have are reflections of our standards. So are the bad ones. If you go to bed at the same time each night, and wake up at the same time each morning, you’ve set a standard. And if you don’t, you have as well. If you stay up late on weekends, it’s a standard. If you eat too much junk food (in your own opinion), that’s a standard. If you always check your bicycle’s tire pressure before going for a ride, that’s a standard.
Routines
If you have a morning routine (coffee/tea, exercise, skin care, watching the news), that’s a standard. If you stop at a certain coffee shop most days you go into work, that is also a standard. If you bike the same path every Saturday morning, yep, it’s a standard. If you have a glass of wine after coming home from work…you get the idea.
Checklists
Whether it’s your grocery staples, what to pack when you travel, how to follow that morning routine, or anything else you consistently refer to to make sure you haven’t missed anything or use as for reminders, those are standards you have.
Calendar
“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives,” said Annie Dillard.
Your digital calendar, daily planner, or wall calendar all contain standards for your life. Whose birthdays are on them? Which friends’ and family members’ names are on them? How much time do you devote to yourself vs. others? What things on your calendar reflect what you want to do vs. what you need to do?
Practices
What are the activities you perform on a regular basis that feed your well-being? Do you play tennis every week? Do you knit or crochet while watching television? Do you exercise after you end your work day? Are you writing a book, trying to make progress one day at a time? Are you studying a foreign language? All of these practices reflect a standard you’ve set.
Rituals
Perhaps you have Taco Tuesday at your house. Maybe you tailgate only with certain friends and family during football season. It could be that you go to the same restaurant only on your birthday. Or perhaps you take your birthday off every year. Once again, those rituals are your standards.
Boundaries
As much as I don’t like that word (a personal standard of mine), the limits you’ve set in your mind about relationships are standards: whether you will sit next to that aunt or uncle at Thanksgiving dinner; the words or language you won’t put up with; the friends or family members whose texts you will or won’t respond to; how much time you’ll spend at an after-work event if a certain person is also there.
As you can probably tell, you have a lot of sources for your standards.
And that’s because the way I look at it, our practices, routines, preferences, rituals, etc. are all standards. However, every standard we have isn’t necessarily all of those…I believe they tend to fit more neatly into specific categories.
Of course, you may be thinking that this is all semantics. If so, that might be a standard of yours. But I love definitions, pay close attention to distinctions between words, and quite often utter the phrase, “words matter.” In fact, all of those preferences and practices of mine honor the fact that, yes, it is all semantics.
Or put another way, honoring the semantics of language is a standard of mine.